I’ve been madly in love with Japanese Breakfast recently. It’s been four months that I’ve been known about Michelle and her band, read her first book and listened to her three main albums. There was one day I saw a story she shared on Instagram that she was performing ‘Jesus, Etc.’ along with Wilco. The melody was so catchy and unique that I was wondering what the song was. I found she covered the song by Wilco, and also later I found she covered the song back in 2019 before.
There was an incident happened a month ago, that my best friend’s mother was diagnosed with a tumour in her lung. Actually, his mother has already been in the hospital probably for three months since this summer, but she and his family chose not to tell him the news because he was still studying abroad. However, until a month ago, his mother’s illness suddenly became serious, and his father had to tell him the truth and ask him to come back immediately to see his mother. But during this special COVID pandemic period, it is so hard to get a fly ticket back to our home country, the flights are scarce, the policy is extremely strict, and the flight could be canceled at any time. No one would know what would happen and change tomorrow.
I was helping him check all the flights back to China, but all the recent flights were sold out, not to mention how ridiculously expensive one ticket price would be even in some months later. It was nearly impossible to come back soon. We felt desperate. We even thought to ask the embassy for help to see if he can return to our country on humanitarian grounds by some mean.
At that time, I spent all my energy on helping him collect the information, thinking about how could I help him to come back to see his mother. I felt I was so small in front of this challenge. At the night my friend firstly told me about his mother’s illness, I cried out, I thought life was so unfair that my friend had to face this at his 23, not even to imagine how he would feel to face and accept this all. I thought of Michelle’s book I just finished reading only a few days ago at the time. I never had a thought that the similar real tragedy would happen in my reality, that on my best friend.
After one day’s information gathering, I accidentally found a flight agent application was selling a little number of tickets setting out four days later. I immediately shared it with my friend. He bought the ticket, although the ticket issuing time condition was poor (48 hours before the flight). It was our last hope. He took the train from Heidelberg to Frankfurt airport to get COVID PCR and IgM antibody tests two days before the flight. He fulfilled all the conditions of going back to China from Germany policy by the embassy. He were only needing the ticket to be successfully issued, that he was confirmed to be able to take the flight.
But things were not going that smoothly. One and a half day before the flight, the ticket issuing was still not guaranteed by the flight agency. The first customer service staff we contacted was promising the ticket could be confirmed before the flight, but they already broke the promise of “ticket would be issued 48 hours before the flight”. We then waited a half day, but still it was not issued. The second customer service staff even made the situation more upsetter. He hesitated to explain that he didn’t know what the ticket reservation was like at that time. At the last night before my friend was going to be setting off from Germany to China, he couldn’t sleep tight and woke up twice during the middle to check the ticket status. I was continuously listening to ‘Jesus, Etc.’ by Wilco. I was praying. I was praying my friend would come back home safe and sound. I was praying for his mom. I was praying he would be able to see his mother, eventually. I don’t believe in any religion. But I didn’t know what else I could have faith for. So I put it into the Wilco’s music, Michelle’s favorite music that she passed on to me.
Jesus, don’t cry
You can rely on me, honey
You can combine anything you want
I’ll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sunTall building shake
Voices escape singing sad, sad songs
Tuned to chords, strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit aroundDon’t cry
You can rely on me, honey
You can come by any time you want
I’ll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sunTall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad, sad songs
Tuned to chords, strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit aroundVoices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit aroundOur love
Our love
Our love is all we have
Our love
Our love is all of God’s money
Everyone is a burning sunTall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad, sad songs
Tuned to chords, strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit aroundVoices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit aroundLast cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around
Until now, it’s still hard for me to describe what exactly I perceived from the song. It is the suffering that makes us grieve, but we also move forward from the grief. One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is that when the world betrays on you, or your world fells apart, what else could you believe in and keep yourself whole. The reason we still can feel grieving is because we have a human heart. This heart teaches us how to love. How to care about the people and things you love. This grieving situation may also have you changed to someone more complete. The bitter melody, may eventually turn your orbit around.
Fortunately, after a sleepless night (17 hours before the flight), the ticket was finally confirmed and issued. And the flight was not cancelled, neither. My friend successfully and finally was able to get on the flight going to be landed in Shanghai. This nearly impossible situation became possible. I don’t know whether my praying in this song of Wilco worked. But I’m willing to believe that it did this time.
And now, my friend has been back for a month, and he’s already united with his family and his mother. His mother is turning good, too. She gets his company every day. My friend said that he thanks me endlessly, and all I was thinking is that I was merely helping a son, to be across the seas, to see his dearest mother.
I’ll keep praying for my friend’s mother, for him, and for all the people who are feeling pain and grieving. Whenever I begin to not believe in anything, I’ll start to listen to this song of Wilco once again.